After recently reading in Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP newsletter that she tries to feed her children a tablespoon of lemon flavored flaxseed oil every morning, I thought, “lemon flavored?” I was so intrigued, especially because I worry about whether my children consume enough healthy fats that I bought a bottle that same day and added it to some Cajun-spiced catfish. It was surprisingly delicious! I then added some to sauteed vegetables… again, delicious!

Could flaxseed oil be a solution to one of my nutritional worries? We investigated further…

The Flax Plant

Flaxseed — An Overview

Flaxseed can be consumed in several forms: ground flax seed (and it may be purchased as whole seeds or already ground up), and as flaxseed oil (which comes from the seeds of the flax plant).

Available in liquid and soft-gel capsule form, flaxseed oil contains both omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, which are needed for health. For good health, your body needs twice as many omega-6 as omega-3s in order to combat inflammation. However, most of us already get a large amount of omega-6s from our diet and are deficient in omega-3s. Flaxseed contains approximately three times as much omega-3s as it does omega-6s.

Benefits of Flaxseed

Flaxseed Oil

According to WebMD.com, although flaxseed contains all sorts of healthy components, it owes its healthy reputation primarily to three ingredients:

• Omega-3 essential fatty acids, “good” fats that have been shown to have heart-healthy effects. Each tablespoon of ground flaxseed contains about 1.8 grams of plant omega-3s.
• Lignans, which have both plant estrogen and antioxidant qualities. Flaxseed contains 75- 800 times more lignans than other plant foods
• Fiber. Flaxseed contains both the soluble and insoluble types.

Would the omega-3s in flaxseed oil address my concerns about our children getting enough good fats for brain development? It turns out that omega-3s from plant sources (e.g., flaxseed, nuts and nut oil, and canola oil) are not as useful to our bodies as the omega-3s from seafood (you may read my notes on this by clicking here: Nutritional Deficit Disorder by Dr. William Sears). However, Dr. William Sears describes flaxseed oil as a “very healthy oil” that he prescribes to children who need more nutrition from under eating.

Lilian Thompson, PHD, an internationally known flaxseed researcher from the University of Toronto, says that although the research isn’t yet “well established,” there is indication that flaxseed may help reduce the risks of certain cancers and lung disease, cardiovascular disease, inflammation, diabetes, and hot flashes.

Tips

• Check labels. Now that omega 3s are so popular, food packages want to advertise them on their labels. Some food makers slip in some of the less expensive omega 3s, like flaxseed oil and canola oil, yet the package will say, “fortified with omega 3s.” Look for a package label that reads “omega 3 DHA,” “omega 3s from marine sources,” make sure ground flaxseed, not whole flaxseed, was added. Flaxseed is a featured ingredient in cereals, pasta, whole grain breads and crackers, energy bars, meatless meal products, and snack foods.
• Whole flaxseed keeps longer. The outside shell in whole flaxseed appears to keep the fatty acids inside well protected. It’s a good idea to keep your whole flaxseed in a dark, cool place until you grind it. But as long as it is dry and of good quality, whole flaxseed can be stored at room temperature for up to a year.
• Buy it ground or grind it yourself. When eaten as a whole seed, flaxseed is more likely to pass through the intestinal tract undigested, which means your body doesn’t get all the healthful components. To grind flaxseed yourself, the little electric coffee grinders seem to work best.
• Keep it in the freezer. The best place to store ground flaxseed is the freezer. Freeze pre-ground flaxseed in the bag you bought it in, or in a plastic sealable bag if you ground it yourself. The freezer will keep the ground flax from oxidizing and losing its nutritional potency.
• Buy either brown or golden flaxseed. There is very little nutritional difference between brown or golden flaxseed (except that brown is easier to find in most supermarkets).
• Milled = ground = flax meal. Don’t be confused by the different product names for ground flaxseed. Milled or ground flaxseed is the same thing as flax meal.
• Add flaxseed to a food you habitually eat. Every time you have a certain food, like oatmeal, smoothies, soup, or yogurt, stir in a couple tablespoons of ground flaxseed. Soon it will be a habit and you won’t have to think about it, you’ll just do it.
• Use it in baking. Substitute ground flaxseed for part of the flour in recipes for quick breads, muffins, rolls, bread, bagels, pancakes, and waffles. Try replacing 1/4 to 1/2 cup of the flour with ground flaxseed if the recipe calls for 2 or more cups of flour.
• Flaxseed oil does not have the fiber and has fewer lignans than the ground flaxseed. Read more on the Dr. Oz website: 3 Benefits of Flax.

My Related Notes:

• Avoiding / Minimizing Dairy? Read What Alternative Sources Provide Calcium, Protein and Vitamin D
• Ten Super Foods To Use
• Nuts and Seeds
• Eggs — A Cheat Sheet

The Center for Health, Environment & Justice (CHEJ) just released an interactive tool that is meant to increase awareness of the key sources of polyvinyl chloride (a.k.a. PVC or vinyl) in our schools.

“PVC is the most toxic plastic for our health and environment. No other plastic contains or releases as many dangerous chemicals. Unfortunately the poison plastic is widespread in schools across the nation.”

– The Center for Health, Environment & Justice

Many schools around the country are literally made out of PVC or vinyl, an emerging toxic plastic of concern. This volatile chemical is permeating our schools, from vinyl flooring, to computers, to vinyl backpacks and other school supplies.

How Is This Really Going To Impact My Children?

In recent years, a number of studies have found a relationship between the phthalates released by PVC building supplies and asthma in children and adults. With over 7 million children suffering from asthma which, incidentally, is the leading cause of school absenteeism, our vinyl schools endanger students’ health.

Dioxin, lead and mercury are all chemicals released by the PVC lifecycle that have been linked to learning and developmental disabilities in young children. With one in six children suffering from learning disabilities, schools must be kept free of these toxins so that children can learn.

Also, two years ago Congress passed legislation banning phthalates in children’s toys. While phthalates have been banned from PVC toys, they’re still widespread in PVC products like flooring used in schools.

Oh No — What Can I Do To Help?!

Thankfully, there is hope as it’s easy to find alternatives to PVC. A few simple changes will protect students’ health, and ability to learn. At This Vinyl School – http://www.chej.org/thisvinylschool , you can click through a virtual animated school to identify where this dangerous plastic is hiding and find healthier products.

Research Found That A Sleepy Sixth-Grader Will Perform In Class Like A Mere Fourth-Grader

Did you know that children — from elementary school through high school — get an hour less sleep each night than they did thirty years ago? The authors of Nurture Shock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, investigated the consequences of this. Below is a list of the ones that I found currently relevant to my family (you may click on the links for more):

• A Slightly Sleepy Sixth-Grader Will Perform In Class Like A Mere Fourth-Grader
• A Good Night’s Sleep Is Important For Long-Term Learning
• Sleep-Deprived People Fail To Recall Pleasant Memories, Yet Recall Gloomy Memories Just Fine
• Dropping Below Eight Hours of Sleep Doubled The Rate of Clinical-Level Depression
• Shifting Weekend Sleep (Going to bed later but waking up later while still getting the same number of hours of sleep) Leads To Lower IQ Points
• The More You Learn During The Day, The More Sleep You Need
• Every Fifteen Minutes Counts

What Happened When Some Forward-Thinking Schools Pushed Back School Start Times By One Hour?

• Higher SAT Scores: Math SAT Scores Increased 56 Points, Verbal SAT Scores Increased 156 Points
• Teenage Car Accidents Decreased 25%

The CDC now recommends that high schools consider later starts: its representatives are now opining that a change in school start times can change lives.

Related Content:

• Sleep: “The Lost Hour”
• Sleep Deprivation: How Do Parents Manage It?!
• Impact of Sleep: Interesting Things Didn’t Know
• Finally Liberated To Sleep!

My Notes On Sleep:

• Sleep
• Sleep’s Impact on the Brain
• Sleep’s Influence on “Intelligence” and School Performance
• Benefits of Good Sleep Habits
• Sleep Tips
• Five Elements of Healthy Sleep
• Prevent Poor Sleep Habits
• Biological Rhythms

My 3-year-old loved making our holiday cookies.

I recently baked holiday sugar cookies with my daughter. As I stumbled through buying the ingredients and making / decorating the cookies, I realized that it’s been 25 years since I’ve baked! No wonder I was so overwhelmed.

My daughter and I had the most delightful time though! I have been thrilled by that wonderful afternoon we shared, and excited to discover such an engaging activity for us to explore further.

Below are photos that document our adventure. For those moms who are intimidated by the thought of baking cookies, I hope this post helps make baking a little less intimidating!

Happy holidays everyone! This will be the last post for 2010. You’ll hear from us in the New Year!!

– Ms. S of The S File ™

BAKING

Substitute 1 Cup of Whole Wheat Flour for 2 Cups of Flour		I started with a recipe from the Whole Foods website but substituted 1 cup of whole wheat flour for the 2 cups of flour that the recipe requests. After making the cookie dough, I refrigerated it over night. (The recipe says you can refrigerate for just 1 hour. I was just exhausted from the grocery shopping!)
Cookie Cutters: Large and Small		The next afternoon, we were ready to make cookies! I laid out our selection of cookie cutters.
Cookie Cutter: Baby-Sized		But my daughter and I got excited about making “baby” cookies. So we worked with these mini-sized cookie cutters.
My 3-Year-Old Flattening The Cookie Dough		Then collecting scrap cookie dough to re-use
She quickly got the hang of cookie cutting!		And wouldn't let me help!
It took mom a while to get the hang of baking (the cookies almost burned)!		But I quickly caught on too! Just 5-7 minutes in the toaster oven, depending on how many cookies are on the cookie tray.

DECORATING

We used a simple recipe for icing. I added a lot more confectioner’s sugar to try to thicken the frosting. Not sure if it helped but the cookies sure did taste good!

Tegu, the toymaker of these engaging magnetic blocks, aims to create safe non-toxic toys and is devoted to addressing unemployment and fostering entrepreneurship in Honduras, where the blocks are made.

Over the past few months, I’ve been hearing from increasingly more moms about their children’s high levels of lead. Most recently, I’ve been hearing about children in modern buildings having high levels of lead. For some reason, I had the impression that lead was an older issue, mostly a concern in older homes. I’ve been surprised to learn how pervasive it still is, recently hearing that it has been found in our (NYC) drinking water, some Pottery Barn ceramic dinnerware, reusable grocery bags, and many toys!

Toy companies are not required to divulge what’s in their products

Yesterday’s LA Times had a great article, Before You Buy That Train Set, Do Your Homework by Amanda Leigh Mascarelli, recommending that parents research their potential toy purchases.

Many of the 80,000 chemicals used in manufacturing are used in toys and other children’s products. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, the government agency responsible for protecting the public from hazards in consumer products, regulates only 14 chemicals in toys: eight heavy metals and six phthalates, which are used to soften plastic. The phthalates, which have been linked to reproductive and developmental abnormalities in animal studies, have been restricted only since 2008. Toy companies, unlike food manufacturers, are not required to divulge what’s in their products.

A ghoulish fake eyeball toy made in China was recalled after it was found to be filled with kerosene. Sets of toy drums and a toy bear were also recalled because of lead paint, and an infant wrist rattle was recalled because of a choking hazard.

– “As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China” in The NY Times online, by Eric S. Lipton and David Barboza, June 19, 2007

Ms. Mascarelli continues: The U.S. government has since adopted a handful of regulatory measures to hold companies more accountable and to tighten restrictions on the use of toxic substances. But there are many toxic chemicals in toys that are not regulated at all, says Rachel Massey, a policy analyst at the University of Massachusetts in Lowell and a coauthor of a November study on gaps in regulation of toxic substances in toys and children’s products. Cases highlighted in the media for violation of standards are just “the tip of the iceberg,” she says.

Toy Recalls in the Media Are Just The Tip of the Iceberg…

Ms. Amanda Leigh Mascarelli, writes: “Most famously, in 2007, Mattel — the largest toy company in the world and the brand behind such household names as Ken and Barbie — recalled more than 2 million toys that were in violation of the U.S. standards for lead in paint. The total recall count that year because of lead paint violations: more than 17 million.”

Lead causes permanent brain damage. Lead exposure — even in relatively small doses — has been linked to learning disabilities, behavioral problems, reproductive issues, even violence.

Beware of Toys Made in China

A NY Times article in 2007, As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China, stated: “Over all, the number of products made in China that are being recalled in the United States by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission has doubled in the last five years, driving the total number of recalls in the country to 467 last year, an annual record… It also means that China today is responsible for about 60 percent of all product recalls, compared with 36 percent in 2000.”

China manufactured every one of the 24 kinds of toys recalled for safety reasons in the United States so far this year, including the enormously popular Thomas & Friends wooden train sets… The toys were coated at a factory in China with lead paint, which can damage brain cells, especially in children.

– “As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China” in The NY Times online, by Eric S. Lipton and David Barboza, June 19, 2007

Tips for Buying Safer Toys

Ms. Mascarelli offers a great summary of tips that are below. Please visit her article for even more information: Before You Buy That Train Set, Do Your Homework by Amanda Leigh Mascarelli.

• Avoid buying costume jewelry for children. As lead has come under closer scrutiny, cadmium is increasingly being used as a substitute for lead in paint, toys and children’s jewelry. Cadmium is a neurotoxin and carcinogen that children can be exposed to when they handle, suck or swallow the product. In January, the CPSC recalled a large quantity of children’s costume jewelry because it was found to contain high levels of cadmium.

• Avoid purchasing vinyl products, also known as PVC (for polyvinyl chloride) when possible. These are several times more likely to contain hazardous additives compared with other plastics, says Jeff Gearhart, research director for HealthyStuff.org, a consumer product testing website. Items made with synthetic leather, such as kids’ baseball gloves, often contain vinyl. Vinyl products may also include certain balls, children’s bracelets and other rubbery and flexible items.

• Inspect the plastic labeling and product packaging and look for the familiar triangular recycling symbol containing a “3″ with a “V” underneath the symbol. The labeling is not universal but is used on a significant number of vinyl products. Flexible, rubbery plastic products that emit a distinct odor are often good indicators that the product contains a vinyl plasticizer, Gearhart says. The Center for Health, Environment and Justice has a PVC-free guide.

• Don’t buy brightly colored plastics when purchasing items that a young child might put in his or her mouth. Despite the recent tightening of federal regulations, these plastics could contain cadmium, lead, organotins or other toxic pigments or stabilizers, Massey says.

• Consult sites such as Healthystuff.org and Goodguide.com to find out if certain toys contain brominated flame retardants (BFRs) — found in baby products, such as mattress pads, and toys, such as dolls, swords, action figures and ones made of foam and rubber. BFRs have been linked to a number of adverse health effects, and one family of BFRs is classified as a possible human carcinogen by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. Healthystuff.org and Goodguide.com both screen for bromine, which is a likely indicator of BFRs. Choose products that have low or no bromine content.

• When buying toys that contain textiles or leather garments, be conscious of “azo dyes,” which are widely used in the textile and leather industries. Azo dyes can form cancer-causing compounds when inhaled, absorbed through the skin or taken up by the gastrointestinal tract. Unfortunately, since these chemicals are not regulated, the best way to avoid them is to select toys made of wood and natural products, or toys that bear eco-labels, which are becoming more widespread. When buying a textile product such as a doll or stuffed animal, look for a European eco-label such as Oeko-Tex, which can be found in some specialty toy stores. The European Union has much stricter regulations on toxic chemicals than does the U.S.

• Choking on toys, toy parts, balls and balloons is a hazard for children younger than 3. From 1990 to 2007, 196 children died after choking or asphyxiating on a toy or toy part,, according to U.S. PIRG, an umbrella consumer-advocacy organization for individual state Public Interest Research Groups. Use an empty toilet paper roll to test whether a toy or toy part may be a choking hazard. If the item passes through a toilet paper roll, it is too small for children younger than 3 or children who put toys in their mouths.

Also watch out for parts that are barely larger than this industry standard, because children have choked on parts that are larger, says Elizabeth Hitchcock, public health advocate for U.S. PIRG. “We always caution parents to really look hard at a toy, take it out of the box and use it before they put it in the hands of their child,” Hitchcock says. “See if there are parts that will break off, and don’t just rely on the label.”

• Do not buy products bearing the California Proposition 65 label with wording similar to this: “Warning: This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.”

• Avoid toys containing small magnets that can be swallowed. When ingested, strong magnets will attract to each other and can cause serious internal injuries.

• Though these are few and far between, look for toys and children’s products that have labels indicating what ingredients were used to make them.

• Check out lists put together by groups that have conducted tests on toys. Healthystuff.org (www.healthystuff.org), run by Ecology Center, a nonprofit organization based in Ann Arbor, Mich., does independent testing on a range of consumer products including toys, providing snapshots, available online, of potential chemical hazards. Healthystuff.org has screened more than 5,000 toys since beginning its testing in 2007. It uses an X-ray technology to look for hazardous substances, but the technology can’t detect all chemicals of concern. It ranks products by level of concern based on about 10 priority chemicals. GoodGuide.com ranks products, including toys, based on (among other things) environmental and health effects.

• Among the toy recalls, the problem is most acute with low-price, no-brand-name toys that are often sold at dollar stores and other deep discounters, which are manufactured and sent to the United States often without the involvement of major American toy importers. Last year, China also was the source of 81 percent of the counterfeit goods seized by Customs officials at ports of entry in the United States — products that typically are not made according to the standards on the labels they are copying. (“As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China” in The NY Times online, by Eric S. Lipton and David Barboza, June 19, 2007)

• Toys made in China make up 70 to 80 percent of the toys sold in the country, according to the Toy Industry Association, which represents most American toy companies and importers. (“As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China” in The NY Times online, by Eric S. Lipton and David Barboza, June 19, 2007)
• China’s own government auditing agency reported last month that 20 percent of the toys made and sold in China had safety hazards such as small parts that could be swallowed or sharp edges that could cut a child, according to a report in China Daily. Officials in China, of course, are fighting back, insisting that its food and other exports are safe and valuable, that new regulations are being put into place and that problem goods account for a tiny portion of all exports. (“As More Toys Are Recalled, Trail Ends in China” in The NY Times online, by Eric S. Lipton and David Barboza, June 19, 2007)

Safer Toy Options

There are some beautiful and engaging wooden toys that are a stimulating and low-toxic option. Some of our favorites are in the Amazon widget below:

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Soon after buying my daughter an adorable lunchbox that she helped picked out, I was disappointed to continually hear how much she loved another lunchbox at school. Having taken a few months to figure out which lunchbox she has been talking about, I now understand. When I asked my daughter, “What’s so special about the lunchbox?” She went on to explain the compartments.

My daughter has been entranced by these compartments

You can choose from different sets of magnets for the top of the box

You can choose from a selection of colors for the carry bag

Check out PlanetBox in the video below.

Furthermore, from my perspective, I like that it was created by a mom who was trying to minimize toxins and waste. The interior is made of 18/8 (300 SS) and 18/0 (400 SS, not 200 SS) stainless steel, which is food safe and will not leach toxic chemicals when in contact with food. These types of stainless steel have been used for food storage in many cultures for generations, and are preferred materials for hospitals, commercial kitchens, and other environments where sanitation is a priority. The other materials contain NO lead, vinyl/PVC, Phthalates, Bisphenol-A(BPA) or other harmful or toxic substances.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve ordered this second lunchbox for my daughter. I’m hoping that it’ll inspire her to eat more of her lunch!

Click here to purchase: PlanetBox; and click here to learn of lunch ideas for PlanetBox.

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Recently, I started to notice that my daughter, when playing with her father, would give up on a game or task relatively quickly when encountered by a challenge. This struck me because she would not give up when playing with me. In fact, she seemed not to be self-conscious at all around me — didn’t seem to notice judgment / evaluation from me and didn’t seem concerned about my opinion of her. With my husband, however, she was self-conscious and would give up on activities much more quickly. I sensed that she didn’t want to disappoint her adoring father.

This experience reminded me of an article, “The Inverse Power of Praise” by Po Bronson in New York Magazine from a few years ago, that I had skimmed when my daughter was just a few months old. I also unintentionally came across the same article as the first chapter in a book, Nurture Shock, by the same authors, Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman. When reading “The Inverse Power of Praise” the first time, I thought it was fascinating. Re-reading the article a few years later as a parent to two girls, I now have a different appreciation for the content.

The Inverse Power of Praise

When interacting with our three-year-old, one key difference that stood out to me was that I tended to be more silent when my daughter would get engaged in something, wanting to give her the freedom to figure things out on her own and conservatively guiding her when she would get stumped. My husband, however, who is a much more fun-loving playmate to her than I am, was a much more generous cheerleader, enthusiastically saying things like, “That’s so great! You’re so smart!!”

A growing body of research strongly suggests that giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.

– Nurture Shock (2009) by Po Bronson and Ashely Merryman; page 13

“The Inverse Power of Praise” makes the point that praise can be effective — “a positive, motivating force.” However, all praise is not equal. “To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific” and it needs to be sincere.

“[Researchers] have found that frequently-praised children get more competitive and more interested in tearing others down. Image-maintenance becomes their primary concern. A raft of very alarming studies… illustrates this.”

– Nurture Shock (2009) by Po Bronson and Ashely Merryman; page 21

Modifying His Praise Immediately Altered My Daughter’s Behavior

Being as open-minded and open-hearted as my husband is, he agreed to listen to “The Inverse Power of Praise” as I read it to him during a recent car ride. He immediately embraced this new perspective and minimized general praise like “you’re so smart” and “that’s so good” and started focusing his praise more on effort, saying things like “That was such a great try! Even though you didn’t get it the first time, I’m so proud of you for trying and trying again!” We now both place a greater emphasis on effort and less on outcome. The result? Since making this change, I now don’t remember the last time she gave up on a task.

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control… They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to failure.”

– Nurture Shock (2009) by Po Bronson and Ashely Merryman; page 15

“The Inverse Power of Praise” by Po Bronson

I highly recommend reading the article which can be found in its entirety on the NYMag website, which you may access by clicking on: “The Inverse Power of Praise” by Po Bronson. The book, Nurture Shock, contains other fascinating discoveries on other topics as well!

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This week has been a very emotional week for my three-year-old and I. She’s been communicating a series of alarming messages; including the claim that her nanny hits her in the face!

After having time to gather more information from her during this week and after listening to input from those that are more experienced, I think the root cause of this new behavior is that she’s jealous and confused about her eight-month-old sister.

The frequency of our three-year-old knocking over the baby, or other physical expressions of her frustrations, has been increasing recently. After trying different traditional responses that weren’t working, I am excited to try a new tool: reflection-time.

“Reflection-Time” Is The New “Time-Out”

While talking to our new babysitter, Ms. T (who has been a teacher), about how to address the sibling rivalry, I asked about implementing “time-out.” Ms. T said that she found time-outs to be very effective in her classroom. After telling her that I didn’t like the sense of punishment that a time-out creates, she suggested the use of the term “reflection-time.” I loved it.

So, this morning, I had the following conversation with my three-year-old:

“Y’know, for a long time before your sister came along, it was just you, me and daddy. And you got to have all of our attention, everyone‘s attention.

Now that your sister is here, it is very normal for you to not like her sometimes and to get mad at her sometimes because you have to share the attention. I know you always love her but you’re not always going to like her. And that’s okay. But, it’s not okay for you to hurt her. And I think you hurt her sometimes because you’re confused about new feelings that you don’t have words for.

So, we’re going to try something new. Whenever you hurt your sister, a grown up is going to pick you up and place you in the travel crib to let you think about why you hurt your sister.”

Her face lit up because she’s been wanting to dominate any item that her eight-month-old sister has been using, which has included the travel crib.

“You’ll be left there for 3 minutes — because you’re 3 years old (I got a big smile from that explanation) — to think about why you weren’t nice to your sister. Then, after 3 minutes, the grown up is going to come back to talk to you about why you weren’t nice to your sister.”

She was smiling, nodding her head, and shaking her body with excitement.

“We want to help you understand why you’re not nice to your sister sometimes and help give you the words to share why. Since you are feeling new things, it’s normal for you to not know, but we want to help you learn. We all want to learn.”

She was thrilled. She wrapped both arms around my neck to hug me tight (I had been carrying her while having this conversation), and was visibly excited by this new idea. We are as well! The grown ups get reflection-time too.

Other tips I heard that we’ll be trying are below:

• The minutes of reflection-time should not exceed the number of years old the child is.
• They should each have things that they do not have to share with each other, even if it’s just one thing each. It is very hard for siblings to have to share everything.
• Limit the use of the word “share” and, instead, use the words “take turns.”
• Shower the older sibling with tons of attention when they are doing desirable things (like, being caring and gentle towards the younger sibling) and minimize attention (even negative attention) when they are doing less desirable things.
• Highlight special privileges that the older sibling has that the younger one doesn’t. For example, make a big deal of the older sibling being able to have a later bedtime than the younger one.

I’ll keep you posted on our lessons learned. And, if you have any tips, please share them below!

Fall is here and so is the back-to-school season! I’ve been looking forward to the routines and structure, investigating which activities to enroll my three-year-old. At the same time, I keep wondering what is the right balance of structured activities and open play. (In Manhattan, many three-year-olds — and even younger children — have busy schedules!) Earlier this summer, I reached out to our friend, Ms. Natalie Smith of Wonder and Spark for her input.

“… the MOST IMPORTANT gift / activity that we can give our children is fostering their creativity… If we schedule every second of a child’s life, when will they have time to think? When can they ponder what they’ve learned and connect that thinking and new knowledge to their prior knowledge?”

– Natalie Smith of Wonder and Spark

Did You Know About The Creativity Crisis?

Natalie introduced me to an interesting Newsweek article, “The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (authors of a book that I’m reading and loving, ). In the article, I learned of a “creativity index,” developed by professor E. Paul Torrance. The “Torrance tasks,” as the creativity assessment was referred to throughout the article, has become the gold standard in creativity assessment, “measuring creativity perfectly.”

“What’s shocking is how incredibly well Torrance’s creativity index predicted those kids’ creative accomplishments as adults. Those who came up with more good ideas on Torrance’s tasks grew up to be entrepreneurs, inventors, college presidents, authors, doctors, diplomats, and software developers. Jonathan Plucker of Indiana University recently reanalyzed Torrance’s data. The correlation to lifetime creative accomplishment was more than three times stronger for childhood creativity than childhood IQ.“

– “The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

Interesting. I had no idea that creativity could be measured and that it is an important factor for life quality, as are emotional intelligence and education. Some researchers theorize that a lack of creativity — an inability to conceive of alternative approaches — may lead to despair. They have found that those who are better at identifying problems and solving them have better relationships. Creative people are more able to handle stress and overcome the stresses and hardships of life.

American Creativity Scores Are Falling

Okay, I’m convinced that nurturing creativity in my children is valuable. But how do I do that? Should they be enrolled in more diversity of classes (like music, languages, and sports) to stimulate their brain development? Or should I schedule more play dates so that they are exposed to more children and all that those children introduce?

“Like intelligence tests, Torrance’s test — a 90 minute series of discrete tasks, administered by a psychologist — has been taken by millions worldwide in 50 languages. Yet there is one crucial difference between IQ and CQ scores. With intelligence, there is a phenomenon called the Flynn effect — each generation, scores go up about 10 points. Enriched environments are making kids smarter. With creativity, a reverse trend has just been identified and is being reported for the first time here: American creativity scores are falling.”

– “The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

American creativity scores are going down?! Hmmm… maybe I shouldn’t be doing what most other parents are doing….

“The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman has additional insight on how to “teach” creativity skills, and it’s not through art and music classes as most people think. For my family, I’ll be applying those insights when my children are older. But, for my three-year-old, I’ve been wondering how can I better nurture her creativity…

Lesson Learned: Value In Boredom

This morning, at an appointment with our pediatrician for our eight-month-old, I asked our wonderful pediatrician what her thoughts were on the healthy balance of activities for a bright, curious three-year-old. She immediately noted the importance of open play and how crazy the Manhattan culture is with scheduling children’s activities.

It’s very clear, and the decrease is significant… It is the scores of younger children in America — from kindergarten through sixth grade — for whom the decline is “most serious.”

– “The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

An interesting thing that dawned on me, as I listened to her thoughts was the value of giving children the opportunity to get bored at home, but without access to electronics, like television, computers, and wireless devices. I started remembering how bored I often times got as a child and teenager. For example, my parents would sometimes make me attend church services that were conducted in Taiwanese, a language I don’t understand at all. So sitting through two-hour sermons was painfully boring. However, it was during these times that I was forced to explore and entertain within my own self — intellectually, emotionally, philosophically, analytically — for entertainment.

“It’s also true that highly creative adults frequently grew up with hardship. Hardship by itself doesn’t lead to creativity, but it does force kids to become more flexible — and flexibility helps with creativity.”

– “The Creativity Crisis” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

From this example, I’m not at all inspired to take my children to a church sermon that is conducted in a language they do not understand. But, I realize that moments of boredom — of not having easy stimulation and engagement (like, from electronics and play dates) — are opportunities for my children to become much more inventive, creative, and mentally resourceful. This has been especially enlightening for me since our Manhattan context constantly reminds me of how not busy my children are in comparison to their local peers.

What have your experiences been either from your own childhood or with your own children?

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My husband and I just returned from a long weekend with our two daughters. Our three-year-old- and seven-month-old- daughters shared a room with us, and, with all the exciting circumstances, my husband and I barely slept.

Photo Credit: Lounge Park/Getty Images; from Redbook

Our seven-month-old would wake up around 1-2 AM, “chatting” and exercising her lungs while also insisting on practicing her new-found crawling (or, more accurately, face planting!), until about 4-5 AM. Then, although our three-year-old would miraculously sleep through all this, she would wake up around 5-5:30 AM, excited to swim and play.

Between the different night schedules of our two children, and our active days, I was thinking about the recent New York Magazine article, “I Love My Children. I Hate My Life” by Jennifer Senior. My “vacation” experience reminded me that a key reason parenting can be so hard to enjoy at times is because it’s so PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTING!

Sleep Deprivation Is A Form Of Torture

This weekend’s experience, preceded by many more sleepless nights, led me to do some online research.

“Sleep deprivation is not like torture – it is a form of torture, a tactic favoured by the KGB and the Japanese in PoW camps in World War Two.”

Oddly, I found relief from an article, “The Real Victims of Sleep Deprivation” by Megan Lane and Brian Wheeler, that was inspired by a reality television show in which contestants starve themselves of sleep for a week in the hopes of winning a cash reward. Throughout the 7.5 months that I’ve been nursing, I have felt tortured and psychotic at times from both the sleep deprivation and the lack of uninterrupted sleep!

“Going without sleep is intensely stressful, with unpredictable short- and long-term effects. People lose the ability to act and think coherently… Making a [television] programme in which people are deprived of sleep is like treating them with medication that will make them psychotic.”

Furthermore, when I read that the Pentagon would play loud rock music on sleep deprived prisoners to break their resistance (quoted below), I thought: “What about those sleep deprived moms?!!”

“The Pentagon has denied torturing Iraqi prisoners, but it has admitted using sleep deprivation and playing loud rock music to break prisoners’ resistance.”

All moms know that we are much more sensitive to the cries of babies than the dads! (Just read: “Men Really Don’t Hear A Crying Baby At Night“)

Just Venting…

Of course, I don’t mean to belittle the experiences of those who have really been tortured by sleep deprivation. Given my recent cumulative lack of sleep, however, I have deepened empathy for that experience than ever before and could relate to a few sections of the article.

What Helps Me?

What really gets me through these physically challenging times are two things. First, and by far the most nourishing fuel for this foggy road, is the comfort and security that my unconditional presence brings to my children: the immediate and visible relief that my baby daughter feels once she knows that I’m picking her up; or the security I sense in my toddler when I show up in her room when she calls for me in the morning. (Note: At home, we have had general “rules,” like no pickup of our toddler before 6-6:30 AM; and no pickup of the baby before 6 AM. However, our general rules don’t, or can’t, apply when away from home.)

Second, is knowing that so many more parents are going, and have gone, through the same experience. I find comfort in knowing that sleep deprivation from parenting is a universal experience and privilege.

The Influence of Sleep On One’s Perspective…

Now that we’ve spent a night home after our weekend — all of us sleeping in our contained compartments, I immediately woke from my first night of some uninterrupted sleep, remembering it with a BIG internal smile and feeling our sleepless “vacation” to be as magical as it was.

Happy Child, Happy Mom

—-

Please note that all quoted text above are from “The Real Victims of Sleep Deprivation: Sleep deprivation is nowadays a source of light entertainment. But it has been used as a real instrument of torture around the world” by Megan Lane and Brian Wheeler; BBC News Online Magazine; Last Updated: Thursday, 8 January 2004, 12:23 GMT

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