A few years ago, I completed a yoga teacher training program. I had been interested enough in yoga that I wanted to pursue this program as an introductory overview of yoga. This program introduced me to the language of Sanskrit, which I don’t remember ever even knowing of its existence until this program.

Scientists Say that Sanskrit Has A Unique Mathematical Precision

In one of our required readings for the Sanskrit section, I was fascinated by the below:

“[Sanskrit] has been written up in AI magazine (spring ‘85) by a NASA researcher, Rick Briggs, as the only spoken language in the world capable of functioning with mathematical precision and embodying the basic principles of artificial intelligence. It is possibly the only natural language in the world that is compatible with computers.”

– by Vyaas Houston M.A.

NASA is studying Sanskrit for use in artificial intelligence? There’s a mathematical precision to Sanskrit?! Wow. This really intrigued me and opened my mind up more for the related yoga chanting, to which I had been very close-minded.

Chanting Has Healing Powers?

In some additional required reading, I was fascinated further by the following:

“During the 1960s there was a very clear instance of sound’s potential to affect human health. For centuries the monks of a certain Benedictine monastery in France had chanted several hours every day. Then, during the 1960s, the Second Vatican Council began considering alterations in church practices, including changing the language of chant from the traditional Latin to languages spoken locally. But when the Council could not agree on the language issue, it was checked instead to end chanting altogether and replace it with other, more productive activities.

When this new routine went into effect, the Benedictine monks began to change. For hundreds of years the order had thrived on only three or four hours of sleep, but now the monks became listless and fatigued. Even when their schedule was further altered to allow more sleep, they were constantly weary. A change in diet was implemented. A seven-hundred-year tradition of vegetarianism was replaced by a diet that included meat, but the monks’ health did not improve.

Then Dr. Alfred Tomatis, an ear specialist, visited the monastery and tested the monks’ hearing. Many of them turned out to be hearing-impaired, though the cause was unclear. The only variable seemed to be the cessation of chanting. Dr. Tomatis recommended that chanting resume. After the monks returned to their old routine, a transformation very quickly took place among them. Most of them again became able to function with minimal sleep.

Dr. Tomatis later told this story to a Canadian broadcast audience and explained that the cerebral cortex can become “charged,” or positively stimulated, by certain kinds and frequencies of sound. Through their daily chanting sessions, the Benedictines were bringing energy into their bodies and their minds.”

– by Thomas Ashley – Farrand; 1999; pages 26 – 27:

Hmmm…I was skeptical, but interested by the above. The wall, or guard, that kept me close-minded to yoga chanting (mostly from being uncomfortable with the unknown), slowly descended as I read more about chanting and Sanskrit, things like the above.

I haven’t studied Sanskrit or chanting further, since the yoga teacher training program, but I have practiced it more as a student in certain yoga classes. I found myself drawn to certain teachers because their chants at the beginning of class were so beautiful. Over time, I started chanting in the shower, while pregnant with my first daughter.

Back to Sanskrit…

After my first daughter was born, I stopped yoga (and other things) as I was much busier juggling the responsibilities of a new mom. But, later, as getting my daughter to sleep started to become more challenging because she was so alert, I would see that her mind was “jumping around like a monkey” or was wandering like an “unbridled horse,” as a number of yoga books have described the mind. Exhausted, I would watch my very not-ready-for-bed daughter and remember hearing that speaking / chanting Sanskrit — whether spoken correctly or not — lulls the mind (something about the structure of the language). I decided to chant some Sanskrit mantras that I had learned in yoga class to see if it would help focus (still) her mind. And it worked!! Relatively quickly, her mind calmed down (became more still), and she went from standing/ jumping in her crib to laying down, to falling asleep pretty quickly. I couldn’t believe how quickly she went from A to Z.

Since the initial few times, it’s worked about 80% of the time. My daughter eventually went through a period of being bored of the few chants that I know, but, over the past few months, she has been asking for them every night at bed time.

Related Notes:

• The Importance of Mantra

With summer upon us, I have been thinking and hearing more about pool safety. In one of my email mommy groups, a mom shared a good experience with Safety Turtle, a pool and spa safety alarm system. Intrigued, I looked into this product further (and S File™ readers get a special discount!), which led me to read more about water safety and water-related fatalities and injuries. Below are some highlights that I hope will provide useful perspective.

In this write-up:

• Statistics on Water Fatalities and Injuries
• Men and Children are at Higher Risk
• Other Noteworthy Things That I Read
• Drowning Prevention: Implement Layers of Protection
• Water-Entry Alarms
• Water-Entry Alarm: Special Discount

***********

Statistics on Water Fatalities and Injuries

• In 2007, there were 3,443 fatal unintentional drownings in the United States, averaging ten deaths per day. More than one in five fatal drowning victims are children 14 and younger. ⁽¹⁾
• For every child who dies from drowning, another four received emergency department care for nonfatal submersion injuries. ⁽¹⁾ Nonfatal drownings can cause brain damage that may result in long-term disabilities including memory problems, learning disabilities, and permanent loss of basic functioning (e.g., permanent vegetative state). ⁽¹⁾ Overall, 5% to 10% of drowning incidents result in severe neurologic damage, but such poor outcomes are even more common when the drowning occurs in open-water settings.⁽²⁾

Men and Children are at Higher Risk

Children

• In 2007, of all children 1 to 4 years old who died from an unintentional injury, almost 30% died from drowning. Although drowning rates have slowly declined, fatal drowning remains the second-leading cause of unintentional injury-related death for children ages 1 to 14 years. ⁽¹⁾
• The highest rate of drowning is in the 0- to 4-year age group (2.5 per 100 000), and children 12 to 36 months of age are at the highest risk (almost 4 deaths per 100 000). ⁽²⁾
• There is a second peak incidence in adolescence, attributable entirely to a high number of male drowning deaths. ⁽²⁾

Males

• After 1 year of age, males are at greater risk of drowning than are females at all ages. Up to 12 years of age, drowning death is roughly twice as common in boys as in girls, but in adolescents, the rate is approximately 10 times higher for boys.⁽²⁾
• The higher drowning rate for males has been explained by greater exposure to aquatic environments, overestimation of swimming ability, higher risk-taking, and greater alcohol use.⁽²⁾

Other Noteworthy Things That I Read

• In many cases, drowning is a silent event, without splashing or a call for help.
• Among drowning victims younger than 15 years of age, two-thirds of deaths occur from May through August.⁽²⁾
• Drowning also occurs disproportionately on Saturdays and Sundays.⁽²⁾
• The peak time of day was 5:00 to 6:00 PM, and 75% of all incidents occurred between 12:00 and 8:00 PM. ⁽²⁾

Drowning Prevention: Implement Layers of Protection

Until recently, I didn’t know to think of water safety in terms of “layers of protection.” The websites of the CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics have good tips on prevention. A summary is below:

• Adult Supervision
• Buddy System
• Avoid Alcohol
• Pool Cover
• Pool Fence
• Pool Safety Alarm
• Lifeguards
• Swimming and Survival Skills Training
• CPR Training
• Do not use air-filled or foam toys
• If you have a swimming pool:
  • Use four-sided fencing
  • Clear the pool and deck of toys
• If you are in or around natural bodies of water, then click here for more.

Water-Entry Alarms

A mom recently emailed a group of moms to say that she had just used a water-entry alarm system by Safety Turtle and had a good experience.

Safety Turtle

From its website: Safety Turtle® is a family of Wireless Alert products designed to enhance security in the home and in the workplace.

Originally introduced in 1998 as a “last layer of protection” for young children near water, the Safety Turtle personal immersion alarm has been adapted for pets, patients doing water physiotherapy, for workers near water hazards, to automatically alert lifeguard rescues, and as a “wireless lanyard” www.powerboatsafety.com to prevent propeller injury with falls overboard. The Safety Turtle wireless gate alarm introduced in 2006 satisfies the need of home owners [and the hospitality sector] to remotely monitor pool and property fence gates.

Click on Safety Turtle to learn more!

Special Discount on Safety Turtle for SFile Readers!

I haven’t tried the Safety Turtle yet but will be seriously looking into it. PoolCenter.com is generously offering readers of The S File™ 15% off any order over $50 for any product in its safety category, including of course, the safety turtle products. Just enter “SAFETY15” at PoolCenter.com. Offer expires August 31, 2010.

Sources:

(1) Source: “Unintentional Drowning: Fact Sheet” by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

(2) ”Prevention of Drowning”; PEDIATRICS Vol. 126 No. 1 July 2010, pp. e253-e262. 253-e262. Published online May 24, 2010

My youngest daughter is about six months old as I write this and she seems ready to start learning some baby sign language, which is intimidating to me! However, our oldest daughter was taught it when she was around eight months (by her nanny at the time) and it was really wonderful to empower our daughter with communication tools so that should could express some basic needs, like wanting to eat, drink, or have her diaper changed. So I’ve been trying to refresh my memory on the signs for milk (and more) but haven’t been able to figure out the hand gestures from the flash cards that we were given. So I went to YouTube and found the following video to be perfectly helpful. It is below, in case you’d like to try it with your child!

If you read our recent post titled “Toxic Breast milk”, then you know some of the background of my friend, Kathy, who came to the difficult decision to stop nursing her second child.  For those of you who didn’t read it, you may do so by clicking on “Toxic Breast milk? Part 1.”  Kathy’s message is not that formula-feeding is necessarily less toxic than, or superior to, nursing.  She is simply sharing her personal experience of having an above-average level of toxins in her body and, therefore, in her breast milk.  She’s also trying to raise awareness that through a mom’s diet, personal care products, and other factors, a mom is introducing toxins into her milk supply. Kathy has been generous enough to share a follow-up post, which is below.

I knew my post about toxic breastfeeding would be controversial but I hate to think that I made anyone feel demoralized.  For many, breastfeeding is best, but not for me and I do think mine is an important story.  It’s also America’s story and I believe the direction that our children are headed if we don’t start making healthier choices and forcing lawmakers to regulate chemicals in our beauty products, food, toys and items we use every day.

I believe my son is toxic because I nursed him, but only because I am especially toxic.  More so than other people and no one knows why.  Perhaps it’s DNA and my body doesn’t dump toxins as well as other people, or perhaps I was exposed to more chemicals than the average person.  What I do know is that if I don’t do something I could end up with an auto immune disease called Chrone’s and I am determined to reverse the damage if I can.

I have a precursor to Chrone’s Disease called Leaky Gut Syndrome.  This is not a disease that most Western doctors recognize.  They diagnosed me with Irritable Bowl Syndrome, which my own doctor admitted is a label “they” give when they don’t know what’s wrong.  They pump you full of steroids or remove part of your colon and tell you to eliminate stress and stop eating foods that trigger it.  Naturopaths call this Leaky Gut and say I can reverse the damage if I work hard to detox my body.  Leaky Gut Syndrome is caused by a toxic buildup of chemicals, pesticides, antibiotic or NSAID pain relievers that disrupt the intestinal flora.  The wall of the intestine becomes so caked in mucous and yeast (Candida) that tiny holes develop in the wall and allow food particles to enter the blood stream.  The body sees these food particles as foreign invaders and begins to attack, causing an allergic reaction to the food.

My first sign was 7-years ago when I suddenly, without warning, became allergic to gluten.  I was never officially diagnosed with Celiac disease because I didn’t want to put my body through an invasive colonoscopy when the only treatment is to avoid gluten.  Eliminating gluten solved the problem and though I missed bread terribly, I got used to it, and thought everything was fine.  It was fine for years, but then suddenly apples caused the same painful allergic reaction, then corn, peas, potato, beef, dairy, vinegar, onions, nuts and now any type of rice.

It is quite literally a chore to feed myself and I never know what will make my stomach hurt next.  I suffer from arthritis in my right hand when I eat something I shouldn’t and chronic insomnia.  I look back and think about what I wish I knew sooner.  How non-organic foods and beauty products literally poison your body and if I had known the pain it would cause I would have chosen an organic lifestyle a long time ago.  Luckily I am strong and I know I can heal this.  I hope you will follow my journey as I do.

Related Content:

• Toxic Breast milk?  Part 1.
• Our Internal Pollution

This is for any mom who struggles to have her child (between the ages of 4 and 12 months old) sleep through the night.

As I write this, my youngest daughter is almost six months old and it has been at least six months since I have had more than 2 – 4 consecutive hours of sleep.

I’ve known that my daughter has been physically ready to sleep through the night for a while, since she has been at least 3 months old and at least 12 pounds in weight. I acknowledge that on some level I wasn’t ready for her to sleep through the night. We were co-sleeping and I was really enjoying it.

So between months 3 and 4, I was procrastinating having to leave this stage behind (though I got her on a regular daytime nap schedule). At around 4 months of age, I began considering sleep training (a cry-it-out approach, which was very effective (and brief) with my oldest daughter). During this period of considering sleep training, however, she had her accident and then I was emotionally not ready to sleep train her for a few more weeks.

Now, however, I recognize that things have to change, as I proceed through my life in a foggy, Zombie-like state, sometimes getting extremely overwhelmed and depressed by the sleep-deprivation. My brain even throbs and hurts sometimes.

A Recent Milestone

Last night was my FIRST night of not picking her up: she went down at 6:30pm and was not picked up until 7am! I’m so proud of myself!! The following information — excerpts from A Mother’s Circle (2004) by Jean Kunhardt, M.A., Lisa Spiegel, M.A. & Sandra Kunhardt Basile — is what “flipped the switch” for me.

“By the time they are four months old, babies need eleven to twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and two naps a day of at least one hour each. They need this amount of sleep in order to develop optimally. What surprises most parents is the invariability of this development fact: at this age, babies do best with fourteen hours or more of sleep during the course of a twenty-four hour period. What differs in babies is how easy or hard it is to help them get that sleep.”

– page 127

“If your baby is three to four months old, was born at full term, is healthy, and weighs at least twelve pounds, he is beginning to be capable of sleeping through the night for eleven to twelve hours without a feeding. This does not depend on whether he is breastfed, formula-fed, or has begun to eat cereal. At this age babies are physically able to give up their nighttime feedings and will naturally eat more during the day to meet their nutritional needs. Because it activates the digestive system, a feeding in the middle of the night can actually be disruptive to sleep. By not feeding your baby in the middle of the night, his metabolism is allowed to slow down, which, in turn, promotes sleep. Babies who are fed during the night when they no longer need it are actually being asked to have their bodies do the work of sucking, swallowing, digesting, and eliminating when their bodies really need to be in a state of restorative sleep. So when you are worrying that you are depriving your baby of food in the middle of the night think of it this way — I am helping my baby’s mind and body to get fundamental nutrients by letting the baby have a night of uninterrupted sleep.

Although I had already been viewing sleep as critical to my child’s brain development, I had no idea that nursing my daughter throughout the night would be disruptive to her brain development / restoration! This is exactly what I needed to hear at this juncture. It liberated me from all the excuses / worries that led me to continue to nurse throughout the night.

What Helped As I Heard My Daughter Cry In Anger Throughout the Night

Babies, like adults, go through cycles of deep sleep, light sleep, and brief wakings throughout the night… Babies, however, need to learn how to fall asleep and how to get back to sleep on their own after these normal, intermittent night wakings. When you hold back from always being the soother you are allowing your baby to develop a self-soothing habit that will be his to use for the rest of childhood.”

– pages 128 – 129

So, last night, as my heart would twist as I listened to my baby cry it out, I kept reminding myself that I’m doing her a favor by giving her the opportunity to learn to self-soothe. It helped! And I hope that sharing this helps another mom in a similar situation!

Note: I have been a participant of a “mother’s circle” at Soho Parenting in Manhattan. I have had the privilege of getting to know Lisa Spiegel, one of the authors of A Mother’s Circle, which is partially why I found the information so comforting. Struggles with sleep is a frequent topic in the group.

My Notes On Sleep:

• Sleep

• Sleep’s Impact on the Brain
• Sleep’s Influence on “Intelligence” and School Performance
• Benefits of Good Sleep Habits
• Sleep Tips
• Five Elements of Healthy Sleep
• Prevent Poor Sleep Habits
• Biological Rhythms

Over Memorial Day weekend, my husband and I were admiring the new UppaBaby stroller that friends of ours just purchased for their newborn.  In many ways, it looked like the BugaBoo that we had purchased in 2007, but, unlike the BugaBoo, the UppaBaby has the potential to grow into a double stroller.

Completely trusting our friends’ market research and selection of the UppaBaby (our friends are more detailed in their research than we are), we didn’t perform any additional research on double strollers (though I had already looked into the Phil and Ted double stroller, which many parents seem to like), and proceeded to buy the UppaBaby Vista 2010 stroller along with the Rumble seat.

Other double strollers seem to have the two seats either side-by-side (which makes the stroller a bit too wide for our crowded City streets) or have one seat facing the back of the other (which seems like a depressing view for the child facing the back of the other seat!).

We were excited that the UppaBaby stroller allows the two children to face each other.  So that’s one of the key reasons we purchased it.  In addition, it has some additional flexibility.  A “piggyBack” may be purchased so that your toddler may stand, like in the image below.

The stroller comes with a bassinet (for the stroller) and a bassinet stand may even be purchased for your infant.  We actually used our Bugaboo’s bassinet as our first daughter’s bed for the first six months of her life.  This stand would have been a nice option!

Conclusion

We wish we knew about the UppaBaby stroller sooner!  Although the BugaBoo feels of higher quality (it feels sturdier, more stable, and has better traction), the UppaBaba Vista stroller has great versatility and is more able to grow with our family.  I highly recommend that parents consider this option!

Product Features

• It comes with a Cup Holder
• Additional 1.5 inches of headroom in the seat so you can use the Vista longer.
• One-touch parking brake is much easier to use.
• No flat tires with rubbery treads simulate the great performance of air-filled tires, but they never go flat.
• 4-wheel, shock absorbing suspension

We recently started potty training my oldest daughter and this travel potty chair has made leaving the house much more stress-free!  No matter where we are — park, City sidewalk, side of the highway, or shopping mall — we don’t have to worry about finding my daughter a potty when she needs to go.  This lightweight travel potty carries plastic bags in a compartment so that there’s an organized supply of bags to capture, and dispose of, the “business.”

It’s so lightweight and helpful that my daughter loves carrying it everywhere!

More details are below:

• Made for boys and girls
• Made from easy-to-clean plastic
• Two large storage compartments — holds potty training pants, wipes, bags and even extra clothing!
• This Travel Potty Chair comes with standard zip lock gallon-sized bags (includes four bags)
• Easy to carry: folds to the size of a small briefcase; carrying handle; durable and lightweight
• Not just for toddlers! For kids / children up to 70 Lbs.
• Open dimensions: 12 1/2″L x 10″W x 6 1/2″H; folded dimensions: 12 1/2″L x 10″W x 3 1/2″H
• Weighs only 3 lbs. Children will love to carry it (builds self-esteem)

In searching for safer containers for food and beverages, I have been seeing these fun, stylish stainless steel baby bottles by OrganicKidz.

Readers of The S File may enjoy 10% off with promo code: “thesfile” at www.organickidz.ca.  I haven’t yet had a chance to try them but I’ll be using The S File promo code to check them out!  Offer expires July 31, 2010.

Why Should You Use Glass or Stainless Steel Baby Bottles?  Click on the below to read more.

• Click on Plastic to read more about concerns about it
• Click on Grandma and Grandpa: Because You Love Us, Please Buy Us LESS! to read about why I’ve been using only glass baby bottles
• Click on Seafood and Plastic?  I’ll Try To Cut Down… to read about the lower quality environment and food supply that we’re leaving to our children and grandchildren

Related Notes on “File”:

Tips for Plastic in the Kitchen
Plastic Water Bottles, Food Containers, and Food Packaging

I just watched part 1 of CNN’s ‘Toxic America’.  I’m so glad that this topic is gaining more mainstream coverage!  It inspired me to share some relevant resources that I have encountered recently.

Last night’s segment highlighted more extreme stories, of those with serious health issues (such as a range of cancers, hysterectomies, lost kidneys, and more) as what they believed to be a result of living near chemical plants.  For those of us who don’t live near chemical plants, please keep in mind that we are surrounded by our own constant source of pollution within our own homes.  Children are especially vulnerable.

Children Are Particularly Vulnerable to Chemicals

From the Mount Sinai Children’s Environmental Health Center:

Children are not simply “little adults.” Four fundamental differences between children and adults contribute to children’s heightened susceptibility to environmental toxins. *

• Children have disproportionately heavy exposures to environmental toxicants due to their greater intake pound-for-pound of food, water, and air, coupled with their unique behaviors – in particular, hand-to-mouth behavior.
• Children’s metabolic pathways, especially in the first months after birth, are immature. In many instances, they are less able than adults to deal with toxic compounds.
• Children are undergoing rapid growth and development. These developmental processes create windows of great vulnerability in which the course of development can be permanently disrupted by environmental toxins.
• Because children have more future years of life than adults, they have more time to develop chronic diseases that may be initiated by early exposures.

*National Research Council. Pesticides in the Diets of Infants and Children. Washington, DC: National Academies Press; 2000.

The Toxic Sandbox

A few weeks ago, I read The Toxic Sandbox: The Truth About Environmental Toxins and Our Children’s Health (2007) by Libby McDonald.  Applying her background in investigative journalism and motivated as a concerned parent, the author did a good job of separating important facts (as of the publishing date of 2007) from the alarmist myths.  I also liked her incorporation and consideration of research and interviews with top medical, toxicological, and environmental experts.  I took many notes from this book, and they are kept in myEnvironmental Toxins “file”.  This book helped wake me up to environmental hazards to which I may be inadvertently exposing my children.

Recent Articles

In addition, my mommy email groups have also been circulating relevant articles recently: The Plastic Panic; Study: Many Sunscreens May Be Accelerating Cancer; For Very Young, Peril Lurks in Lithium Cell Batteries; and ‘Dirty dozen’ produce carries more pesticide residue.  I thought I’d share these suggestions as well.

CNN’s ‘Toxic America’

I’m looking forward to part 2 of CNN’s ‘Toxic America’ which airs Thursday June 3 at 8pm EST.  It looks like it will focus more on children and toxins.  I will write more after watching that segment!

Notes from my Environmental Toxins “file”:

• Cleaning Products
• Food
• Home Furnishings
• Paint & Art Supplies
• Personal Care Products
• Plastic
• Vaccine Ingredients
• Polychlorinated Biphenyls (PCBs) and Flame Retardants (PBDEs)
• Protect Your Chidlren From PCBs and PBDEs

Below is the less traditional breastfeeding experience of my friend, Kathy.  The first time I heard the story, I thought it was fascinating (since I had never heard of an experience like this), and a story worth sharing.  I hope that this story leads other moms in similar situations to feel less alone, and to lead an even broader group of moms to be more compassionate towards those who are not breastfeeding.  I never thought I would think this before, but, breast is not always best.

My son is hyper.  We never realized how active he was until we had our second son, but now there’s no escaping it. Managing our 4-year-old’s extra energy is part of our daily routine, and it’s a constant battle. When he was a toddler I thought it was normal that he needed to go to the park every day and that he jumped off chairs and beds and couldn’t sit still for dinner.  Then his brother was born and it all become so clear.  This baby was calmer, a better sleeper, more content, less agitated.  Now of course, they are two different people with different temperaments, but there are also very clear signs that my younger son is healthier.  The difference?  I think its breastfeeding.

Now, before you say “No! The breast is best!” hear me out.  I absolutely believed that breastfeeding was best for my baby and was devastated when he was was diagnosed with a high palate.  No one could help.  The private lactation consultants, chiropractors and cranial sacral therapists could not get him to suck, and while I ignored the pediatrician’s pleas to give him formula, I finally understood that he was starving to death. So, after 8-weeks of struggling to nurse I threw in the towel and bought a can of Earth’s Best Organic formula.  I insisted on organic, as much as my heart hurt to do it and I am not one to easily give up.  Immediately he started to gain weight and was a happier baby, but I continued to beat myself up about not being able to breastfeed.   I nursed my oldest until he was 18-months and I was so proud of my accomplishment.  At this point my mother chimed in that it might not have been much of an accomplishment after all.    Many doctors believe the best way to detox a mother’s body is to nurse.  Apparently the chemicals from the mother go through the breast milk and straight into the baby, so if a woman is especially toxic, it’s extremely dangerous.  There are significant studies to prove it, like the Toxic Fire Retardants (PBDEs) in Human Breast Milk report from The Environment Working Group which shows American women have higher levels of brominated fire retardants in their breast milk than women in other parts of the world.   These fire retardants impair attention, learning, memory, and behavior in laboratory animals at surprisingly low levels and they are found in hundreds of products we use every day, including furniture, computers, TV sets and cars.

There’s no denying that my body is riddled with chemicals and I am working as hard on myself to get rid of them as I am on my son.  I have a host of health problems and sometimes I lie awake at night blaming myself for passing my problems onto an innocent child.  If I could just go back in time and give him formula would he be calmer?  Would he be happier?  My only comfort is knowing that I couldn’t have known.  Who would have thought? I will say that he and I do share a special bond.  Maybe it was the hours of nursing that brought us closer together, and I’m grateful for that, but I know now that my militant support of breastfeeding has changed.