Finally Liberated to Sleep!

This is for any mom who struggles to have her child (between the ages of 4 and 12 months old) sleep through the night.

As I write this, my youngest daughter is almost six months old and it has been at least six months since I have had more than 2 – 4 consecutive hours of sleep.

I’ve known that my daughter has been physically ready to sleep through the night for a while, since she has been at least 3 months old and at least 12 pounds in weight. I acknowledge that on some level I wasn’t ready for her to sleep through the night. We were co-sleeping and I was really enjoying it.

So between months 3 and 4, I was procrastinating having to leave this stage behind (though I got her on a regular daytime nap schedule). At around 4 months of age, I began considering sleep training (a cry-it-out approach, which was very effective (and brief) with my oldest daughter). During this period of considering sleep training, however, she had her accident and then I was emotionally not ready to sleep train her for a few more weeks.

Now, however, I recognize that things have to change, as I proceed through my life in a foggy, Zombie-like state, sometimes getting extremely overwhelmed and depressed by the sleep-deprivation. My brain even throbs and hurts sometimes.

A Recent Milestone

Last night was my FIRST night of not picking her up: she went down at 6:30pm and was not picked up until 7am! I’m so proud of myself!! The following information — excerpts from A Mother’s Circle (2004) by Jean Kunhardt, M.A., Lisa Spiegel, M.A. & Sandra Kunhardt Basile — is what “flipped the switch” for me.

“By the time they are four months old, babies need eleven to twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and two naps a day of at least one hour each. They need this amount of sleep in order to develop optimally. What surprises most parents is the invariability of this development fact: at this age, babies do best with fourteen hours or more of sleep during the course of a twenty-four hour period. What differs in babies is how easy or hard it is to help them get that sleep.”

– page 127

“If your baby is three to four months old, was born at full term, is healthy, and weighs at least twelve pounds, he is beginning to be capable of sleeping through the night for eleven to twelve hours without a feeding. This does not depend on whether he is breastfed, formula-fed, or has begun to eat cereal. At this age babies are physically able to give up their nighttime feedings and will naturally eat more during the day to meet their nutritional needs. Because it activates the digestive system, a feeding in the middle of the night can actually be disruptive to sleep. By not feeding your baby in the middle of the night, his metabolism is allowed to slow down, which, in turn, promotes sleep. Babies who are fed during the night when they no longer need it are actually being asked to have their bodies do the work of sucking, swallowing, digesting, and eliminating when their bodies really need to be in a state of restorative sleep. So when you are worrying that you are depriving your baby of food in the middle of the night think of it this way — I am helping my baby’s mind and body to get fundamental nutrients by letting the baby have a night of uninterrupted sleep.

Although I had already been viewing sleep as critical to my child’s brain development, I had no idea that nursing my daughter throughout the night would be disruptive to her brain development / restoration! This is exactly what I needed to hear at this juncture. It liberated me from all the excuses / worries that led me to continue to nurse throughout the night.

What Helped As I Heard My Daughter Cry In Anger Throughout the Night

Babies, like adults, go through cycles of deep sleep, light sleep, and brief wakings throughout the night… Babies, however, need to learn how to fall asleep and how to get back to sleep on their own after these normal, intermittent night wakings. When you hold back from always being the soother you are allowing your baby to develop a self-soothing habit that will be his to use for the rest of childhood.”

– pages 128 – 129

So, last night, as my heart would twist as I listened to my baby cry it out, I kept reminding myself that I’m doing her a favor by giving her the opportunity to learn to self-soothe. It helped! And I hope that sharing this helps another mom in a similar situation!

Note: I have been a participant of a “mother’s circle” at Soho Parenting in Manhattan. I have had the privilege of getting to know Lisa Spiegel, one of the authors of A Mother’s Circle, which is partially why I found the information so comforting. Struggles with sleep is a frequent topic in the group.

My Notes On Sleep:

• Sleep
• Sleep’s Impact on the Brain
• Sleep’s Influence on “Intelligence” and School Performance
• Benefits of Good Sleep Habits
• Sleep Tips
• Five Elements of Healthy Sleep
• Prevent Poor Sleep Habits
• Biological Rhythms